“I’m going to adjust your arm, okay?” Dr. Carver said, before Hadley felt the doctor’s hands on his wrist and elbow, repositioning his arm. “You’ll have an easier time going in a straight line if you hold it like this.”
After months of stubborn resistance, Hadley had finally given in and agreed to have Dr. Carver teach him how to walk with a cane. He had been clinging to the hope that he wouldn’t need to, that him and Nila would get independent travel down on their own eventually, but it just wasn’t happening. And as much as he hated needing this thing, needing to be lead around by clio who didn’t even like him was worse.
“How does that feel?” he asked, as Hadley hesitantly began to attempt to navigate the therapy center’s courtyard.
“Hm. Not quite as humiliating as re-learning how to read feels,” Hadley replied lightly, slowly making his way down the little cobblestone path. He could hear Dr. Carver’s footsteps behind him.
“Well it’ll be plenty less humiliating than running into things all the time,” Dr. Carver pointed out. Hadley had to admit he had a point there. There was a slight pause, followed by, “So how have you been doing?”
“Fine,” Hadley lied easily.
“Without Remy?” the doctor continued.
Hadley’s grip on the cane tightened. “I don’t want to talk about her,” he said stiffly. Then, after hardly a beat, “You know, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I didn’t say you did.”
“She said I didn’t care about her,” Hadley went on, successfully rounding a corner without Nila’s help. How sad was it that rounding a corner warranted a sense of achievement for him now? “Why would she think that?”
“I don’t know, Hadley,” Dr. Carver said honestly.
“I took her places,” Hadley insisted. “All the time. I did things with her that I didn’t even like. I did photography with her. Isn’t that ridiculous? Do you have any idea how boring photography is when you can’t see?”
“I can imagine,” Dr. Carver replied, sounding suspiciously like he was trying not to laugh at the idea.
Hadley sighed. Now that he’d started, he just wanted to get it all out. Everything he’d been thinking and feeling since Remy had left. “I know what kind of clio I am,” he said, sounding frustrated. “I know that I’m selfish and thoughtless and careless. I know that most of the clio who don’t like me have plenty of good reasons. But I thought…” he trailed off, and when Dr. Carver said nothing, quietly continued, “I thought I was doing okay with her…”
He felt the doctor’s hand on his shoulder, and stopped. “Hadley, if what you told me is the truth, then you didn’t do anything wrong,” he said, emphasizing the “if” since he knew that Hadley had a tendency to stretch, exaggerate or downright disregard the truth when it suited him. (Sure enough, though Hadley had been mostly honest about the whole incident, he had left out some of the less-than-pleasant comments he’d made to Lysander.)
“I just don’t know what to do,” Hadley mumbled. “I’m not even mad at her. I keep hoping she’ll just come back. Or at least contact me or something.” He almost wanted to go to her, but he wasn’t sure his pride could handle a second rejection. And no matter how much he missed Remy, he was not letting Lysander come back.
“Well, you could reach out to her,” Dr. Carver suggested lightly, pulling his hand away. “Or you could try to move on. I know it seems tough now, but it is possible.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Hadley muttered with a shrug, before starting forward again. He had managed to make a friend, after all. And once he got this cane thing down he’d be able to go more places and do more things on his own. Maybe he really would be able to be happy without Remy.
Maybe.
After months of stubborn resistance, Hadley had finally given in and agreed to have Dr. Carver teach him how to walk with a cane. He had been clinging to the hope that he wouldn’t need to, that him and Nila would get independent travel down on their own eventually, but it just wasn’t happening. And as much as he hated needing this thing, needing to be lead around by clio who didn’t even like him was worse.
“How does that feel?” he asked, as Hadley hesitantly began to attempt to navigate the therapy center’s courtyard.
“Hm. Not quite as humiliating as re-learning how to read feels,” Hadley replied lightly, slowly making his way down the little cobblestone path. He could hear Dr. Carver’s footsteps behind him.
“Well it’ll be plenty less humiliating than running into things all the time,” Dr. Carver pointed out. Hadley had to admit he had a point there. There was a slight pause, followed by, “So how have you been doing?”
“Fine,” Hadley lied easily.
“Without Remy?” the doctor continued.
Hadley’s grip on the cane tightened. “I don’t want to talk about her,” he said stiffly. Then, after hardly a beat, “You know, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I didn’t say you did.”
“She said I didn’t care about her,” Hadley went on, successfully rounding a corner without Nila’s help. How sad was it that rounding a corner warranted a sense of achievement for him now? “Why would she think that?”
“I don’t know, Hadley,” Dr. Carver said honestly.
“I took her places,” Hadley insisted. “All the time. I did things with her that I didn’t even like. I did photography with her. Isn’t that ridiculous? Do you have any idea how boring photography is when you can’t see?”
“I can imagine,” Dr. Carver replied, sounding suspiciously like he was trying not to laugh at the idea.
Hadley sighed. Now that he’d started, he just wanted to get it all out. Everything he’d been thinking and feeling since Remy had left. “I know what kind of clio I am,” he said, sounding frustrated. “I know that I’m selfish and thoughtless and careless. I know that most of the clio who don’t like me have plenty of good reasons. But I thought…” he trailed off, and when Dr. Carver said nothing, quietly continued, “I thought I was doing okay with her…”
He felt the doctor’s hand on his shoulder, and stopped. “Hadley, if what you told me is the truth, then you didn’t do anything wrong,” he said, emphasizing the “if” since he knew that Hadley had a tendency to stretch, exaggerate or downright disregard the truth when it suited him. (Sure enough, though Hadley had been mostly honest about the whole incident, he had left out some of the less-than-pleasant comments he’d made to Lysander.)
“I just don’t know what to do,” Hadley mumbled. “I’m not even mad at her. I keep hoping she’ll just come back. Or at least contact me or something.” He almost wanted to go to her, but he wasn’t sure his pride could handle a second rejection. And no matter how much he missed Remy, he was not letting Lysander come back.
“Well, you could reach out to her,” Dr. Carver suggested lightly, pulling his hand away. “Or you could try to move on. I know it seems tough now, but it is possible.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Hadley muttered with a shrug, before starting forward again. He had managed to make a friend, after all. And once he got this cane thing down he’d be able to go more places and do more things on his own. Maybe he really would be able to be happy without Remy.
Maybe.
